Understanding in a relationship is sweet and tough, without its relevance or presence the relationship will lose its taste.

It looks simple on the surface for couples to understand themselves, but it is very challenging to establish it in a relationship. Oftentimes you hear partners cry that they aren’t understood by their spouse.

Understanding becomes hard to establish in a relationship when both partners don’t understand each other.

A relationship that lacks understanding will strive to survive because there will be constant struggles and quarrelling, and in no time the relationship will tear apart.

Understanding is the ability to comprehend the logic behind someone’s feelings or actions and relate accordingly. It is knowing someone and relate with the person based on that knowledge.

Understanding doesn’t always mean you agree, like or take to heart what someone else or your partner is saying. You don’t have to agree to accept or understand someone.

In a relationship where understanding is established, you share the same feelings with the person and give the person the chance to process the experience or thoughts in their mind and feel the way they want to. When you understand someone, you respect the fact that what they are experiencing is not about you but about them.

Understanding makes your partner feel free and intimate with you, and it gives them the opportunity to explore their love for you to the fullest because they feel connected and significant in the relationship. 

Love is given the opportunity to grow in a relationship when both partners understand each other. When there is no quarrelling, struggling or fighting among couples, the love grows between themselves.

The importance of understanding in a relationship can not be overemphasized. Its importance goes far beyond the surface and it has the key to unlock other great parts in the relationship.

Read on to learn more about how to build understanding in a relationship.

1. Listen to each other:

Communication plays a vital role in relationships because it helps to build understanding among couples.

When disagreement, conflicts and misunderstanding attack the relationship, sit yourselves down and listen to each other’s side of the story for the sake of clarity. Sometimes couples or partners will talk and play with each other but are unwilling to listen.

One of the best gifts you will ever give to anybody, your spouse or date, is to listen to them.

Communication is nothing if one party is talking, and the other isn’t listening. It takes great humility to listen to your partner carefully because there are certain things you won't understand in your relationship if you don’t listen to yourselves as a couple.

2. Ask questions:

Sometimes you don’t understand your partner's actions and why she’s acting in a certain way, instead of assuming and making the situation more complicated, ask questions.

Ask curious questions to encourage your partner to share more light on what is bothering their thoughts and feelings because doing that will deepen your understanding of them.

3. Learn and practice empathy:

Empathy is a great tool, and it is one of the ingredients that creates understanding in a relationship.

Empathy allows us to see things from the level of the other person. It gives us the opportunity to see what they are saying, and why they are feeling the way they are feeling.


When you place yourself in the shoes of your partner, you learn to see and understand things from their perspective.

So when they talk, act like you are the one experiencing what they are saying because it will give you a better view of the situation.

4. Learn to observe:

Communication goes beyond the words we speak, it also involves the emotions we express while speaking, and these emotions need to be observed to establish understanding properly.

If you want to understand your partner, then observe their expression and body movement because words spoken carry emotions. Sometimes, you may not hear them speak about it, but their emotions will express it.

There are certain conflicts you will avoid if you humble yourself and be patient enough to listen to your partner's words and emotions.

Emotions are words expressed through feelings or body language, and you need to be observant to understand them better.

5. Try to understand before trying to be understood:

When we communicate, we are often trying to express our points, and trying to make sure we are heard and understood at the same time.

Communication is like a double-edged sword, it affects the one who talks and the one who listens, and both parties deserve the right to be heard.

Try your best to understand your partner first before trying to make your partner understand you because each individual job is to stand up for themselves and share their thoughts and feelings. Create space for each other to be understood.

6. Be patient:

Patience is a significant key for building understanding in a relationship.

When you give your partner the opportunity to express the issues bothering their mind and why they act that way, you need to be patient with them as they speak otherwise you will miss out in the process.

Understanding your partner doesn’t happen in a day, it is a day-to-day thing and you need to be patient about it.

7. Know the reason behind those actions:

One thing that causes conflicts in a relationship is, we mostly react to statements, actions or feelings, rather than respond to the reason behind them.

Someone doesn’t wake up and start displaying certain emotions or saying certain things to you for no reason. Certain things must have triggered those things in him, and if you conclude and start responding to those words, emotions or actions, you will miss out and stir up conflict in your relationship.

When you notice your partner is acting up strangely towards you, sit him down and ask him questions to prompt him to tell you the reasons behind those actions because if you don’t, you will miss out on understanding him.

Most times you save yourself from relationship stress and misunderstanding when you know the reason behind why your partner is acting the way he or she is acting, why he or she is displaying those emotions. It will give you the right attitude to deal with that situation without fighting about it.

Don’t be too quick to react to certain emotional displays in your relationship without knowing the reason behind them, because doing that will help you build understanding between you and your partner.

Now that you’ve learned the 7 ways to build understanding in a relationship, do your best to establish its existence in your relationship. And if you have questions or points to add to this article, please comment on them in the comment section.

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Thank you!

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